I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
As shirtless as possible
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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