I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
