he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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