I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it was like eating out sand paper
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The air was thick with penises
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
