Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
