I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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