Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
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my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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