evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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