Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
