I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
