Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
ok first of all what the fuck
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
