One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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