Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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