umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
