$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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