Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
