He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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