I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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