wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
