I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
