so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
