I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
