I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
