We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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