I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
