We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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