Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
