Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Randomize
