I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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