I need to stop coming to work sober
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
