I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
