He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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