Your mouth is God's brothel.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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