And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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