God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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