You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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