I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
