You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
