Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
