i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
