thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
