Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
