your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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