Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
