Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
