He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
