Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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