Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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