he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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