Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
