Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
