the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
please come you make the beer taste better
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
