I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
