question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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