I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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