We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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