the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
