I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
