Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
