I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
