Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
