he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
