Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
