a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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