Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I donβt know how to feel about this.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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