I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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