he was CRYING into my vagina
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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