Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
