dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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