when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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