You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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