She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
