Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
