He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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