I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dick very happy bro
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
