Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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