Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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