I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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