You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
