Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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